My New Best Friend

Every now and then, one has a life changing experience that makes them sit back and question what could have been. For me, that was my recent discovery of the vibrator, a jack rabbit vibrator to be specific. Now I know it might verge on pathetic that a woman in her 40s is just getting around to sampling this wonderful device, but that is the case and I am just going to move on and not dwell on the obvious.

The obvious being how I might have wasted the past 20 years not embracing the wonders of this simple battery operated appliance. It is like the perfect boyfriend in many ways. With a fresh deck of batteries, it never stops until you tell it to. It doesn't find "the" spot and then move on at the wrong time, mix it up when they should stay the course, or any other mystifying man nonsense that has frustrated women for time immortal. There are variations of speeds that I modulate when I see fit and I can even select the appropriate size and not have to worry about surprises or disappointments (or hurt feelings) in the intial throws of passion.

So I layed there after my first date with Sparticus (I thought it should have an appropriate name for how awestruck I was at the time), and my past seemed to flash before my eyes. Shit! I could have made so many better man decisions had I of known Sparticus was there as a back up plan! I know, I am stupid. Being attracted to unavailable men with an addiction to their penis' has been a fatal flaw of mine for too long.

Had I of even made an effort to explore this other side, I would have probably been able to make decisions with a clearer mind and less sexual tension riddling my body. Sorry card carrying republican boy with a proclivity to only have sex on Friday and then fall into a deep slumber afterwards, I don't need that type of love, I have Sparticus. Unbelievably hot soccer player who never really talked to me but that one night, get in line, I already have a date tonight. Emotionally abusive boyfriend with deep-seeded self esteem issues? Dance card full, so sorry.

And like most things in my life, I have embraced this new "discovery" with the zeal of a newly crowned prom queen. I have ordered the water proof version for my shower (the only place in my house where I get a morsel of privacy) and half a dozen others to give to my girlfriends. I think that my wisdom needs to be shared with my loved ones. I like to change lives.

So my advice to all women, especially the girls in their twenties, is to not put off to tomorrow what you can do today. And by do, I mean Sparticus.

Anne