I Have A Crush

The thing about being female and having a crush on someone is that the estrogen overload makes an otherwise mentally stable and rational woman certifiably insane. Being intelligent and experienced, I could step outside my body and say "hey sister, slow down! You are a train wreck waiting to happen!" But I think some depraved part of me likes to watch train wrecks. I also like the smell of car fumes, which might explain volumes about me.

I read somewhere that when answering certain questions said crush might pose, you should wait 4 seconds before replying so as to not seem overly eager or out of control (which is usually my persona). I am going to give it a try as restraint isn't one of those skills I am known for and I would like to see if the results vary from what I get now. It all seems very Ingrid Bergman like, but I am all for mixing it up sometimes. I am a list girl, so note below another one of my life observations lists, this time behaviors I find common to females (read: me) who have a crush.

1) I check email (or text messages if that is your thing) almost every ten minutes even though nothing has appeared to indicate something might be in the "in" box.
2) If I do get an email, I answer it ridiculously fast and then am back to #1, refresh, refresh, refresh . . .
3) I have bought a lot of really great underwear. He will probably never see said lingerie, but I feel better know I am sexy if I am ever in an auto accident, rushed to the hospital, and am stripped down to my silky underthings.
4) I often imagine going on vacation with him and how charming, adventurous, and clever he would find me. I should mention that he is married so the odds of this happening are about the same as my reversing time and having the boobs of an 18 year old. But this is my freakin' list, so I don't care.
5) I drive by where he works to see if his car is there. What this will accomplish is beyond me. He's not in the car and I would be mortified if he actually saw me, but I still do it.
6) I have taken up golf. He loves golf, me, it's o.k. Did I mention he LOVES golf?!
7) I wear boob shirts. I don't think I need to explain that one.
8) Whenever he talks to me, I feel like I have shotgunned three Red Bulls and I am so happy and excited, I almost vomit.
9) I have lost weight (see #8)